Domestic violence

1. What are some warning signs that my spouse may become abusive?
There are some clear signs that your spouse could be an abuser. If more then one of the following are familiar to you, maybe its time for you to consider leaving your spouse.
· Spouse gets angry when you spend time with friends or family
· He/she breaks or damages your property when mad
· He/she pressures you to do things sexually, that you’d rather not do
· Pushing or hitting
· Blames you for his/her problems
· Jealousy
· Sadistic behavior
· You get nervous or afraid when your partner yells at you
· He/she prevents you from getting a job
· Calls you names, makes fun of your appearance
· Friends and family don’t want you to be with them
· Abuses animals

2. Can the abusers ever change their ways?
People make mistakes. If your partner has hit you only once, and never again, it probably was a mistake. If he/she hits you twice but agrees to get help, it may not happen again. When abuse happens over and over again, it is a habit. Just like any habit, abuse is a hard thing to change, but its not impossible. An abuser who deeply regrets what they have done and goes to get counseling has a chance of changing. But, don’t wait around for change. Unless your spouse is in counseling, and truly showing that he/she wants to change, then the chances of them changing are slim to none. It shouldn’t take your begging for him/her to get help, they should want to do it on their own, and they should make that effort. If they don’t immediately show 100% effort in changing, then chances are they won’t.

3. Where can I go to get help?
www.kccadv.org has a lost of shelters and organizations around Washington for abuse victims. Click on the link and go to the “help” section. From there, click on “additional resources.”

4. But I love him/her!
You may love them, but if they’re beating you, then chances are the feeling isn't mutual. It is hard to end a relationship, but think of it like this. Are you happy now? Probably not. Your partner is not going to change, ten years down the line the same pattern of abuse will be there, if you live that long. You will lose touch with family and friends and spend your life getting abused. It’s hard to get out now, but even harder to get out later. You may love your partner, but do you love them to death?

 

 

5. My partner abuses me, and I’m a man. How can I get help without feeling embarrassed?
It can be incredibly hard for men (gay or straight) to come out and admit they are abuse victims. Because most domestic violence cases are of men battering women, you might feel that there is no help for you. Realize that people involved in domestic violence organizations usually provide you with confidential help. Nobody has to know you are in this situation. Pave the way for men of the future by reporting your spouses abuse to the police. People don’t realize abuse on men is a problem because most men don’t want to report it. If men start reporting the abuse, then statistics will show that it is a problem. (Currently, only 5% of domestic violence reports have men as victims), and then more shelters and organizations can form to specifically help men who are abused. Here are some links to sites that may help you:

http://www.menweb.org/throop/battery/battery.html
This site has a number of articles on battered men, as well as statistics and facts.

http://www.safe4all.org
This site gives info on how to get help. Specifically for men and men in same sex relationships.